S u s h i   B a r   Mayhem
by Sasukeluva 4eva
Summary: In which Little Red Riding Hood carries a different implication. "Oh my, what big tits you have."—"All the better to suckle on." FML.   RATED T FOR LANGUAGE; CRACK ONESHOT BASED ON REAL LIFE EVENT. For Japan. :D


**a/n: **_I love Japan. And I figured a little humour would at least brighten the hardened atmosphere, so I am regaling a rather embarrassing anecdote that happened to yours truly while I was outside one of our local Sushi Bars a while back. On with the show, I guess._

**Prompts: **Japan's safety, my muse (music), and SEXYsmexy Asian guys.

**Dedication: **_My beloved friends and the people of Japan that were killed in the tragedy that now grips them—all my love to you all, and I sincerely pray that no more need die in this disaster._

**Summary (full): **_In which Little Red Riding Hood carries a __**different**__ implication.__"Oh my, what big tits you have."—"All the better to suckle on." FML._

_

* * *

_

…***.*.*.*.S**u_s_**h**i _B_**a**r _**M**_ay_h_**e**m.***.*.*.***_**…**_

_**.**_

_**..**_

_**..**_

_**.**_

_**[fml betches. And **_pray for Japan_**]**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

One of the most mortifying days of my _[_**e**n_t_**i**r_e_] life.

In all fucking honesty.

Really.

Ferserious, dattebayo [why does it not surprise me that I am able to include a Naruto reference in something completely irrelevant? Shows my dedication. ;D].

_OhMahGawD_, I could just **D**I_E _right now…

But I suppose I should backtrack a little, to give you an idea of my grief…

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

So I was out in the shopping plaza (or the equivalent that we have up here in good ol' Darwin) with my mother, doing the obvious; SHOPPING. Joy to the motherfucking world, my most **F**_A_V**O**_U_R**I**_T_E thing to do in my free time, like, _**E**_VER. Note the sarcasm.

But seriously, it wasn't the worst thing in the world—after all, I got plenty of anime and manga out of the trip (YES, my mother BRIBES me to go shopping with her, because without incentive there's nothing there to appeal to my sense of materialistic value; seriously, I fucking **HATE**, no LOATHE, no _DESPISE_ clothe shopping; _**HATE IT GODDAMMIT**_!). Wink. ;)

Lol, aaaanyway, back to the point of this segment.

Mom needed to go into Big W, and _of course_ (particular emphasis there), I seriously didn't want to go in; y'know, there are _**certain people**_ that no one wants to see but _ends up seeing anyway_ because it **couldn't fucking be avoided**. YES. _THOSE PEOPLE_.

With that in mind, I told her that I would simply await her arrival while I wandered around aimlessly, no purpose or intention in mind—ANYTHING BUT THE SHOPPING.

Because that meant clothes, which meant **new **_**bras**_ (seriously, it's hard finding _THE RIGHT SIZE_ because I **REFUSE** to try them on; who KNOWS where they've been put previously—HYGIENE PEOPLE, SHEESH!), which meant, well, being subjected to their version of the torture booth (WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO STARE AT THEIR REFLECTION IN THE FREAKY-ASS MIRRORS THEY HAVE IN THERE (the skanks, obviously)?

If anything, they should have moved it to the 'House of Mirrors', because THAT is where the REAL freak show is (do they honestly believe that all women LIKE their appearance, or do they intentionally wish for us to burn our retinas right out of our skulls from the horrifying sight?).

And I HATE new bras.

Because every time I go, I'm another size too large.

F.M.L.

LIKE SERIOUSLY.

Ugh, I hattttteeee itttttttt.

But I need bras to keep them (for lack of another word) 'perky'.

*Shudder*

I cannot BELIEVE that just came out of my mouth. Fucker. No way in _hell_ do I want the saggy beanbags that women begin to get as they age though, so I have to bear the torture of it all for the sake of my dignity (or whatever I have that could be labelled as such; THANK YOU LOW ESTEEM ISSUES!).

I just couldn't bear it.

In fact, I'd even get _corrective surgery_ cough**implants**cough just to keep them relatively NORMAL LOOKING.

Now I'm not vain or conceited or any of that crap (coz seriously, I like to keep my assets HIDDEN from everyone's view [BAGGY TSHIRTS FTW! XD]), but they aren't small in the slightest. Most women twice my age are flatter than an ironing board, and then you'll have me, on one of those off occasions where I am wearing something fitting (which is REAAALLLY rare, coz I'm FATTTT [or so everyone and myself believes]. DDX), and I look like I've stuffed solid grapefruits or something in the like down there (watermelon is too far a stretch; I'd never want knockers that big, to be frank).

Yes, so I relied on mom while she was in there to make a rough estimate of how much I'd grown (and the needed size required) whilst I wandered around with a stupid grin on my face; it isn't often that I was allowed to be left alone at that time (due to the fear of rapists, paedophiles, paedophilic rapists that go by the name of Orochimaru [OH YEAH I WENT THERE], kidnappers et cetera et cetera et cetera would do something WEIRD when she and my father and twin brother were AWAY AND OUT OF SIGHT [still psyched about the LONER status that I had achieved]), and I was relishing in its glory.

Of course, I got bored.

The common disease that infects the teenage mind and causes it to turn to a blank mass of entrails; BOREDOM—ain't it terrible?

Naturally, I assumed it wouldn't be going against my mother's demand ("YOU ARE TO STAY WITHIN FIFTEEN METRES OF THIS SHOP, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" Isn't she the sweetest?) to have me remaining nearby if I walked over to the Sushi Bar in which had been taunting me so (they have the freaking TRAIN and EVERYTHING; so authentic JAPANESE I LURVE EET!); and with that, I strolled over, iPod plugged in my ears and blasting at full volume.

Honestly, it wasn't the first time I'd been there (psh, **OBVIOUSLY**), nor was it the first time that I had picked a random tourist (Asians _**CHYEAH**_) and or tourist_**s **_to converse with on a more intellectual level; i.e. "Hellooooo sexy person *creepy paedo voice*."—(Yours truly); "ISKJLWOFINCGVBHASpuh-ree-sooh—ah—no-speak-uh-air-nee—een-?"—(Sexy Asian Person).

*Insert the cricket chirps*

"You're _gorgeous_." –Creeper Smile Here-

*Asian gives an unsure smile, bows politely in my direction, whilst discreetly slinking away* "Sankyuu, sankyuu! GTCVGHFGVHJMHJHNL!"

Sooooo…. :D.

I _know_ they love me (pbbfffft,_ no one_ loves me, let alone the smexy people… *sniffle* D:)

TOTALLY OFF TRACK HERE. -_-

So while I was leaning against the glass window of the bar, hair splayed in my face (while it was still long, that is) and eyes glued to the ground at my feet, I contemplated on what I should do to kill the time; yes, my muse was beautiful and sexy and GOD DO I LOVE IT, but I needed a little more.

Funnily enough, I am normally anti-social, i.e. having a powerful vehemence for social interaction, but talking to strangers just came naturally to me; perhaps because I don't have to fear what they had to think of me because of the cultural differences that separated us.

The obvious thing to do was to scan around for some potential willing participants' cough**victim**scough, right?

So that's what I did.

Raising my gaze from the tiled flooring, I perused the sea of bystanders, spotting many an Asian person (of all degrees of sexy) passing by, or making a stop at the fancy tables that had been set up with the Sushi establishment; why wasn't it surprising that they were eating out at a sushi restaurant?

Oh right, COZ THEY'RE _**ASIAN**_.

_OH YEAH BEBEH_. XD

What caught my attention was a group of Asian boys (obviously of foreign origin; TOURISTS in other words, eheheh) that were **STARING**_ RIGHT AT __**ME**_.

And this isn't the paranoid delusions of a person that believes that EVERYONE is watching her everywhere she goes and every move she makes (PSH, YEAH RIGHT *in total denial*); THEY WERE FUCKING OGLING.

And I had a bad feeling that what they were gossiping about so voraciously amongst themselves was NOT good at all.

They caught my stare, and smiled.

I felt a shiver of repulsion tremor down my spine (and it had nothing to do with how hot they were, BELIEVE ME).

TEH FOOKING HELL?

I was scared out of my wits as I smiled—somewhat hesitantly—back at them; that only caused their chatter to increase tenfold.

I wanted to die on the spot; oh how I wished I was fluent in Japanese (thank the lord I am now -_-)!

Without much warning, they came towards me, still chattering animatedly. I stood stiff in my place, my eyes wary of their incoming approach; what did they want exactly?

That was a question I shouldn't have asked myself.

They made hand gestures to remove one of my earplugs from my ears, so I very much so reluctantly took my right one out, posture rigid at this stage as I waited expectantly for their… WHATEVER it was they wanted from me.

What came next nearly set me off like a freakin' _firecracker_.

(_With strained, heavy accents, they spoke in near broken English something that nearly had me retching in their wake_.)

"_Ohwu mai, wha-tu big-gu tit-ues you-oh haru-vuh."_— "Oh my, what big tits you have."

"_Ar-u th-air bear-teruah to-ah soo-ckler oh-ner."_ — "All the better to suckle on."

…

_**[**_THE MOST FUCKING AWKWARD SILENCE, LIKE, **EVER **_HERE.`.`.`__**]**_

…

"_**KTHNXBAI." **_

And I fucking HIGHTAILED it outta there and into the dreaded bra section in the hopes of finding one that could minimise the likelihood of encounters like THAT, by, I dunno, **100%!**

.

.

.

So that, my friends, is one of the vast regalements that I have at my disposal of **"MOST DAMAGING EXPERIENCES WITH FOREIGN BODIES EVER"** (who ever said that you have to be mentally scarred to be creative?),and I do hope you enjoyed my agony to some degree.

But that was not the entire purpose of this little real life incident (no matter how much you may wish for me to suffer to such a mortifying degree).

What I want to share with you is this; no matter how we may be able to laugh our days away as if the world was our oyster alone, it is anything but. The pain, grief and suffering that most impacts our world affects ALL OF US, and it is our duty to do what we can to ease the heartbreak that our fellow people undergo in their everyday lives. It is the same as helping a friend in need when they need you the most; they cannot possibly rely on anyone but the ones they care for and hold in high regards.

This is the case in Japan.

Personally, I lost many a handful of friends in these recent tidings (why it happens so frequently for me, I'll never know; maybe GOD has it out for me because I don't worship his religion?), so I know the sheer IMPORTANCE [and I can't stress it enough] of aiding those in serious need, and Japan definitely needs all of the support they can get.

So put aside selfishness and ignorance and instead DO SOMETHING FOR THE PEOPLE THAT NEED US.

I certainly know I will, because I neither wish to see or hear that any more of my close friends have died, nor anyone else in that beautiful country suffering a painful, unjust death.

***R**_est _**I**_n _**P**_eace_, to all of the unfortunate souls that were taken from this earth, and my prayers go out to all those still barely surviving this horrendous disaster; you truly are an inspiration to us all, and I sincerely wish you'll live to tell the tale time and time again for many generations to come.

So if you love Japan with as much fervour as I, please review. (:

For all those who have died without having the chance the ever _live_, for all those who have survived and are _still_ surviving, for all of the friends and loved ones who lost their lives, **REVIEW**.

For their sakes rather than mine (there is no selfish gain in this act).

And I really DO hope that those boys are still alive and kicking, because the first thing I'd like to say to them is, "NAUGHTY SEXY ASIAN PERSONS, HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MY BREASTS IN SUCH A CRUDE AND UNGAINLY MATTER! SHAME ON YOU ALL."

...

_**But they really were hot. :D**_

*.*.*.*.*

**Expect more dedications to Japan in future (though they'll be far more angsty than this one was; humour is the best way to cope, isn't it? [NO]). :D**

**Until next time then!**

**Ja ne! x)**

***-Sasukeluva 4eva out-***


End file.
